How to get rich. Part Two

Continued, oddly enough, from ‘Part one’ 

Sort of invent something but not really

Now, I can hear you sitting there saying: “But he said at the beginning of this weblog bulletin that innovation was hard”

Well, to you I say: “Shut up you dingus. What I meant by ‘innovation’ was real innovation; actually coming up with something ground-breaking or useful. What I mean here is coat-tailing a useful development with a largely pointless knick-knack and monetising it. God you’re a muppet, really, just, stop, okay.”

You’d probably then say: “Okay dude, chillax to the max, I was just saying. Take a chill-pill and cool your jets brosif.”

To which I’d say: “You’re right, that was an overreacting. I’m sorry, but my point is…”

…of course real innovation is hard, but using someone else’s innovation making a minor ‘value-add’ to it that is probably unnecessary and then selling it is a good way to make it rain.

Make it rain money.

For every Thomas Edison, Karl Benz and Marie Curie there are a thousand other people who see a brilliant idea, slap an offensive slogan, and before they know it you have a massive Money Tree growing in their back yard*.  That they never need to water. A Money Cactus.

Someone else invented the potato chip, you invent a new FLAVOUR of potato chip.

Someone else invented spirituous liquors, you COMBINE said liquors in a FLOURESCENT CAN.

Someone else invented the t-shirt, you invent printing ‘Amy’s Winehouse’ ON t-shirts and selling them.

I came up with those, like, very quickly. It’s easy.

You need to find your own offensive, socially irresponsible snack food product.

Live at home with your parents forever

Let’s boil this all down to brass tacks: you need to ask yourself what it is about being rich that is desirable.  Now, some of you might say “wealth is a means of keeping score on my personal achievement” and others of you may say that wealth creation enables you to go and do great things, help people, and make a difference.

Both of these things are wrong.

Basically you want to be rich so you don’t have to worry about money. You want to have enough money they you can do something other than work or attend the sort of parties where you have to network.

While being actually rich with money is the best way to make this happen, there are ways of simulating being rich that don’t involve you having very much, if any, money at all.  You can live the rich lifestyle of getting smashed all day and sitting around in your undies playing video-games, and effectively have a servant, or servants plural, simply by never leaving home.

People that live at home with their parents, parent, or sponge off of any other well-meaning family member their entire life are effectively rich because they have everything a rich person has without needing money.

Not only this but any dollar they do acquire from writing weblogs or delivering flyers two days a week has a greater real value than the dollar we make because it doesn’t need to go towards rent, utilities or fixing our own toaster. It can be spent on rich person stuff like a sweet, sweet ride with mad subs in it, or a thirty piece drum-kit.  There is a fine line here though: most adults who live at home with their parents, or parent, want to be independent, get a job and support themselves. You need to differentiate yourself from this majority because otherwise mum will always be on your case about moving out.

No, you have to make it clear that you aren’t even trying.   Then they’ll give up and accept you’re there forever. Like a couch.

Far from ridiculing people who live with their mum well into their twenties, thirties, forties or even fifties; we should revere them as we revere the aristocrats of old.  They are rich without even needing money.  The only problem is if it ends, but I’ll let you in on a little secret: if your mum and/or dad will let you live at home until you are 25 and you haven’t even tried to become independent, they’ll basically let you live with them forever.

Really, this is what it is all about Dear Weblog readers.

That and getting mum to make you cheese toasties whenever man.




*Note: I know I referenced Marie Curie, but please don’t make your idea “Putting an Offensive Slogan on Penicillin” – that idea is more confusing than anything else.


One thought on “How to get rich. Part Two

  1. Pingback: How to get rich. Part One. | Dan

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