People that ‘tell it like it is’ or ‘just be honest’ are wrong. Now, I’ll admit, I find the ‘Cult of Avoiding Conflict’ irritating; it is dishonest for a start, but worse than that it drags everyone down to the most beige level. People who ‘tell the truth’ about you though, are actually worse.
People only say they are ‘telling it like it is or just being honest’ when they are saying something bad. When someone honestly believes you are lovely, have done a good job, or that your hair-style is ace then they just say it and they don’t qualify it by talking about how ‘honest’ they are being. This is because people who say they are being honest are cowards. They aren’t really owning what they are saying to you; they are appealing to some universal objective truth. When they say “your trainers are ugly…just being honest”, they feel that you can’t really retaliate at them; you have to hit out at the irrefutable laws of the universe for making your trainers ugly. They are merely the messenger.
People who are ‘just being honest’ or who ‘tell it like it is’ are being as big a cowards as those who avoid conflict. When they want to give you a compliment, they own it and don’t appeal to the universal laws of truth to qualify it, when they want to have a go, they hide behind the universe. Like a cowardly turtle.
People who ‘tell it like it is’ and ‘are just being honest’ are also decidedly arrogant. More often than not, the things they are honest about aren’t actually facts. Seldom do you hear someone say “Some dogs are brown, just being honest”. What you actually hear ‘honesty’ or ‘truth telling’ attached to is things that are a matter of opinion. In the speakers mind not only do they believe that there is a universally ‘correct’ type of foot-wear, and actual ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ as far as models of car are concerned, they hold the key to this truth.
People who tell it like it is usually also can’t handle having the cutting laser of ‘hurtful but universal truth’ turned on them. Part of the reason they hide behind ‘just being honest’ is they are pants-wetting cowards. If someone says “Honestly, your pants are a bit crap” and you say “Well, to tell the truth, your face is incorrect” they are likely to burst into tears or run off, and you’ll look like the bad person.
If you are going to offer your opinion, own it. Don’t hide behind the idea that you are imparting facts.
Dan 